Rapture Saturday

With the Rapture expected (by some, anyway) on Saturday, I wondered what plans everyone is making. So I put together a little poll: Click Here to play

And don't forget: I'm still offering Rapture Financial Security Services. There's still time to sign up.

Hmm. What would be appropriate for a Rapture-themed backyard BBQ? I'm thinking helium balloons to start.

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Irreverent? Moi? I just have a little trouble taking seriously someone who believes Jesus is right about everything...except the bit where no one can know the time of his return. Or that an omnipotent god will play with his true believers like errant party balloons. Or that the route to Heaven is via the stratosphere. Hey, a few miles up the air gets thin; at least the "god-is-a-space-alien" types expect to rendezvous with spacecraft before the air runs out.

But let's say I decided this could be for real. Does my belief count if I just take one of the brochures the folks are handing out and set my alarm for 6PM Saturday? If not, what's the point of even mentioning the Rapture? Do these folks just want to gloat at the rest of us? Does gloating disqualify them?

Hmm. I've encountered some – literally – schizophrenic people who believe odd things. If plain true believers get to float to Heaven, what about a schizophrenic who believes in the Rapture because he's off his lithium? Is he eligible? What if he remembers to take his meds somewhere around 30,000 feet; does he get rejected then? If so, how? Does he float back, or does he pancake in at 300 MPH?